Nothing's fair in love and war...and real estate. After working my ass off to get LeNell's Ltd, my little wine and spirit boutique of a liquor store, off the ground in Brooklyn, New York, I faced eviction when my lease terms came to an end. The new landlord, for whatever strange reason, failed to see a bird in the hand was worth more than the real estate hype he thought he had in a small storefront in Red Hook, Brooklyn.
I could cry in my grits for years over the heartache of losing my beloved business. I'm a girl who can bitch and moan in a heartbeat, but I'm also a bitch who takes life by the balls and rides the bull for all its worth. Many days and nights I stood with my fist lifted to the air, often with the middle finger extended, questioning how in the hell could this be happening to me. Those fits of anger always ended with my telling myself and the heavens, "There better be something fucking amazing around the corner for me to have to go through this hell."
I've lived enough life to know that often when you reflect back you see how the Muses were weaving magical things in the midst of grief. Call it "fate," "God's will," or whatever makes sense to you personally. No matter your belief system, we can all agree that life is not always easy and does not always work out the way you had thought it would.
There's a variety of journey versus destination quotes to help steer our focus through trying times.
"Accomplishments will prove to be a journey, not a destination."
"Success is a journey not a destination."
"The road of life twists and turns, and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.”
I shut down LeNell's Ltd with dreams of a new destination spot that would be everything I wanted. While deals were under constant negotiation with landlords, real estate tycoons, and potential investors, the journey became more important than the destination, however. My primary goal was no longer keeping LeNell's Ltd alive no matter what. I kept assuring friends, family, and customers, "I'm not sure how this is all going to work out, but I have faith that if I'm doing all that I can possibly do, the page will turn on its own when its time to begin the next chapter."
What did I really want longterm? I'm a stubborn woman who does things her own way. Having partners and turning LeNell's Ltd into an "empire" was an option, but not one I considered for personal fulfillment. My fierce independence is a blessing and a curse, some might say.
What made me happiest with the shop was taking care of people in a very personal way. The soul of a business is often lost when it becomes a multi-location huge entity that can't possibly know customers by name much less know when their mom is visiting from out of town or a beloved pet has passed away. Relationships, not just the bottom line or accolades, is how I define success, I decided.
I had worked many 90 hour weeks at LeNell's Ltd, sometimes even sleeping on the floor. I've never fled from hard work and sacrifice. With rents and other costs so out of balance with the reality of running a "mom and pop" style business, it often seems impossible to balance professional success with your own mental, spiritual, and physical health, much less have enough time to maintain loving relationships with friends and family. Basically, I realized I wanted to have my business and have a life. What does having a life mean anyway?
I turn 40 in 2010. Approaching a new decade often makes us stop and reflect on our quality of life, who we are, and who we think we want to be. As stubborn and independent as I am, family life means a lot to me, I decided. That doesn't necessarily mean a white picket fence, spouse, and children. I consider family whoever is sitting around the dinner table. What I mean is if all we do is work, what's it all for anyway?
I don't want to work 90 hours a week, pay extravagant rents with no hope of ever owning, and feel that I don't have enough left over mentally, spiritually, and financially to even take care of myself much less care for those around me like I wanted to. Putting all that effort into starting a business with daydreams of passing it on to offspring someday, then realizing it could so easily all come to an end due to circumstances out of my control was hard to accept. Aren't we taught in America that all we have to do is work hard and the "American dream" is ours? Shutting down the store reminded me that I didn't have to prove anything to anyone anymore, including myself. This realization released me to enjoy my journey and value relationships...to be here now, as my good friend Rachel often reminds me.
When I landed in Baja, Mexico for the wedding of Marko and Jenni Karakasevic shortly after having closed up shop, I was reminded over and over of the beauty of building relationships in business. The Karakasevic family built their family business under the name of Charbay. I first reached out to them when I opened the store. After one phone call to introduce myself and to declare my support for the brand, Susan, the mother, called me every so often just to check on me. This wasn't the type of phone call to check to see how many bottles of Charbay I had sold. This was a personal, caring phone call just to see how I was surviving personally. "How are you?" she would ask.
I was honored to attend the wedding and thought of the time away as an opportunity to clear my head, continue to heal from the heartbreak of the store closure, and just be by myself for a rare change. During the day I had time alone squishing sand between my toes, frying my pasty white skin in the blazing sun, and chasing the sound of chickens and cows who enjoyed sea breezes along with the humans. At night, I often left the wedding guest shenanigans just to further focus on my own quiet time.
The wedding was beautiful, and the couple was surrounded by people in the industry that were considered friends and family. Many of us left that time together almost teary eyed, having all felt a close bond during that long weekend. Relationships...family...that's what makes the hard work worthwhile.
Never in my born day would I have believed it if someone had told me that trip to Baja would have resulted in romance and my next adventure. I've had plenty of steamy one night stands, like any bartender, but when this dark, hairy Mexican barman named Demián asked me, "Are you looking for a relationship?" I almost shocked myself with, "Yes, I guess I really am." There was that word again...relationship.
I may never again own a liquor store. I may never have children. I may never again stand in front of a crowd and accept an award. I will share home-cooked meals where the laughter flows along with the wine. I will enjoy the journey every day whether or not things work out as planned. When I look at myself in the mirror, I like who I am, especially when I see the reflection of all those souls that stand beside me and behind me.
You always hear the trite attempt to comfort with phrases like, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, " or "If God didn't think you could handle it, he wouldn't let you go through this," and "When you are not looking for it, it will happen." Well, I sure as hell didn't go to Mexico looking for love or a business location. I did regain my strength, find love, a home, and hope for a new business venture.
When the last new location potential in Brooklyn fell through, I called Demián and told him, "Start looking for a house in Baja. I've had enough." We brainstormed business plans operating out of a home that combined our loves of bartending and taking care of people, but that would also allow us the energy to take care of ourselves and each other. We wanted to pay cash and own something outright with no threat of landlords or banks.
When we began looking at real estate in Baja, owning our own place seemed almost as impossible as searching for affordable property in New York City. I was shocked over and over at asking prices that were often very close to New York City's. Like New York agents, Baja real estate agents are often only interested in big money deals with fat commissions. We were snubbed a few times when we explained what we wanted. Feelings of desperation and hopelessness crept around our corner more than once.
One of those many nights of surfing the internet for real estate hope, I ran across a house located in La Paz that was in our price range. Demian made an appointment to see it as quickly as he could. Our agent Gary Brasfield was responsive, attentive to what we needed, and eager to help us find it, even though our housing budget was small. He helped us negotiate on the house we wanted, and we got it! He understood the value of building relationships. There's that word yet again.
At the time of this writing, that little Brooklyn storefront at 416 Van Brunt Street still sits vacant with a "For Rent" sign in the window. And a La Paz casita at 602 Héroes del 47 sits waiting with a warm glow in the window, inviting you to "be here now" where we can share a drink, share a meal, share some stories from each other's journeys, and just relax in some relationship buildin'.
